Why struggling is important
Why we need to seek it out and how to struggle well
Photo of author by Mat Morris
The life of a butterfly begins as a small egg which the mother sticks to a leaf. A caterpillar emerges and begins eating and growing. Once it has reached full size it forms into a ‘chrysalis’ or ‘pupa’ in which the caterpillar creates a shell-live cocoon. Inside the metamorphosis takes place and the caterpillar transforms into a butterfly. For this butterfly to emerge from the chrysalis and fly, it has to struggle. It’s a critical part of the process.
As the butterfly fights to get out of the cocoon, a chemical is released that strengthens their wings and the movement pumps fluid into them. It might be tempting, if watching this, to help the butterfly but that’s the worst thing we can do. Without the struggle, the butterfly’s wings are weak, and it will be unable to fly.
It is the perfect metaphor for why we all need to struggle.
Like a muscle needing to be stressed to grow and become stronger, we to need a form of struggle in our lives if we are to reach our potential. It’s not going to happen sitting in our comfy homes, on the couch, watching Netflix.
“As with the butterfly, adversity is necessary to build character in people.” Joseph B Wirthlin
So much messaging we receive today encourages us to find the easy way, to avoid discomfort. I think this is flawed. While I’m all for time saving devices and bringing efficiencies into our lives, it is important is that we don’t shy away from hard things, to avoid the struggle.
The other side of struggle is a bigger and better version of ourselves. To reach our potential, we have to embrace the discomfort.
Let’s start with the definition.
The Cambridge Dictionary defines ‘struggle’ (in the context of this article) as: to experience difficulty and make a very great effort in order to do something.
It means we have to put in effort, whether that’s physical or mental, to do or achieve something. It is things not going to plan as we move toward our goal, or simply achieving that goal being a stretch for us. It can be fighting against the odds. It’s digging deep and not letting the darkness in and a feeling of helplessness or hopelessness win.
“The most successful people see adversity not as a stumbling block, but as a stepping stone to greatness.” Shawn Anchor
A recent example I saw, which involves so many levels of struggle, is Professor Justin Yerbury of the University of Wollongong. He was recently award a prize in recognition to his scientific work. The path to this award has been a long and struggle filled road.
Justin’s uncle was diagnosed with motor neurone disease (MND) in the mid-90s, followed by his cousin, mother, grandmother and aunt. It’s a cruel neurodegenerative disease that slowly robs the patient of the ability to move, eat and breath. There is no cure and as he found out, not even drugs to slow its advance. This led him to a career in MND research.
In his own words he was “not much of a scientist” who had studied for a Bachelor of Commers before playing pro basketball.
“Not having studied biology before, I struggled to understand. It was like reading another language…I decided to enrol in some biology classes at the local university to advance my knowledge.” In 2004 he gained a Batchelor of Science with 1st class honours and then his PHD, becoming a researcher on MND.
In 2016 he too was diagnosed with the disease. He now requires around-the-clock care and requires a ventilator to breath. He continues to research and publishing scientific papers, which he now writes using an eye-tracking system. “I want a better life for people with MND and I want to make MND a treatable disease.”
He epitomises that definition of experiencing difficulty and making a very great effort in order to do something.
What are the benefits of struggling?
Hydra, from Greek mythology, was a multi-headed serpent-like creature, who, if one head was cut off, two would emerge from the wound. Like Hyrda, we too can grow through adversity.
When we find ourselves in difficult, challenging situations, whether by choice or they are put on us, we learn to problem solve and become more resourceful, as Professor Yerbury is. We develop our grit and perseverance, we can become accustomed to uncertainty, we become mentally stronger, our confidence grows as we overcome the struggles and reach our goals. We gain a sense of accomplishment and fulfilment as we overcome the challenges. It is a journey of self-awareness and learning. We can also become more compassionate when we’ve experience adversity.
Nassim Nicholas Taleb coined the phrase ‘antifragile’ which he describes in his book of the same name. This concept, applied from everything from humans to politics to economical systems, says that things can benefit from adversity. Nassim explains that it’s not about being robust and simply withstanding the shock, it’s about growing and benefitting from it, like Hydra and in the same way a muscle grows and gets stronger when subjected stress and load.
How to struggle well
We all face struggles, whether by choice or chosen for us. It’s rarely pretty, but there are things we can do to navigate our way better.
As Winston Churchill said, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
Let go of perfection. Accept that it’s probably going to be messy and won’t be perfect.
Accept it. We suffer more when we resist the source of our pain. Like a Chinese finger trap, resisting it makes it worse.
Keep your focus short. The UK Special Forces are trained to operate in the next 1-metre. Focus on doing your best in your ‘next 1-metre’, and then the next.
This too will pass. I have a tattoo on my arm that reads “pain is temporary”. I had it before I set of on my Nile expedition, knowing there was hardship ahead. Struggles generally don’t last forever.
Find the silver lining. It’s not easy, but without being Pollyanna, try to find the positives, and focus on them.
Keep emotions in the back seat. Like kids, you don’t want them driving, but at the same time you don’t want to put them in the boot. Acknowledge them, accept them, manage them but don’t banish them.
Control the controllables. This was my mantra for my Nile expedition because there was so much outside of my control, from hippos to lethal rapids and much more. Focusing on all of that created unnecessary stress — I couldn’t stop hippos attacked or rapids from exisiting. What we can control is our response to a situation — what we do, say and think. Keep your focus there.
How to seek the struggle
Nassim says tranquil environments make us fragile. Like a muscle that shrinks and becomes weak if not worked, if we’re not putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations that require a level of struggle, we can become ‘soft’, like that flaccid muscle.
Here are five ways we can bring a level of struggle into our lives.
Take things on before you’re ready. Back in my corporate days a boss asked me to take on a ‘head of’ role within the Market Risk department. While flattered, I didn’t feel ready, and turned it down. He persuaded me into it. It was a baptism of fire. I’ll never forget the first team meeting — twenty faces looking at me for leadership and direction, my hands were shaking, palms sweaty and voice quivered. I struggled big time. It was one of the most intense learning periods in my career and while it wasn’t far from perfect, it ended up being successful. Take the plunge, whether it’s at work or elsewhere, put your hand up.
Take on physical challenges. You don’t have to commit to climbing Everest, but find things that will test you physically. Something that will be hard and require effort, that you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it. It could be signing up for a marathon, an adventure race, doing a long-distance walk, doing an ocean swim.
Face a fear. That could be a fear of heights by doing a bungee or trying rock climbing. It could be giving a talk, or comfronting a fear of open water by swimming in the ocean. Whatever it is, facing a fear is always hard, we’re fighting against our fight, flight or freeze response. Here is an article on an approach to face our fears.
Set a big goal. One that scares you and excites you at the same time. Something you are going to have to persevere and one you’re not even sure how to complete or whether you’ll be able to.
Try something new. Every beginner has to struggle. Whether mastering a skill or sport and learning something new, like a language. As a kid we accept the difficulties we’re going to deal with to, for example, learn to ride a bike. We accept the wobbles and falls. Embrace your inner child in trying something new.
Oliver Wendell Holmes once said, “A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.”
My most challenging times have led to some of the greatest moments of my life. And they have been some of my most valuable learning experiences.
Do you think you could benefit from bringing more struggle into your life? Find something, and like the butterfly coming out of its cocoon, you will be strengthened and ready to fly.
Sarah